Reason I Love You
by comeagainlou
Summary: He really shouldn't love her... But oh dear how he wants to. And she really shouldn't have anyway reasons to love him too, but she does.


_He really shouldn't love her… but oh dear how he wanted to. _

_The second time she fell down the rabbit hole, she was in some ways the same little girl who had rudely invited herself to tea and then again she was an entirely new, amazing, but still naughty… beautiful Alice. _

_Ever since she had returned to Underland for the third time, and finally, finally she was staying in Underland for good, those feelings that he had just started to discover since she left last where he had, had to come to realize why it had hurt so, so much when she had left him, left Underland, had hit him full force almost knocking him out of his chair when she had come to view in the clearing in front of the tea table, all small and adorable. _

_Suddenly he had to bite his tongue to not blurt out how absolutely beautiful she looked sitting there at his side at the tea table, laughing along with March and how he wished he could listen to that laugh all the time. And suddenly he had to sit and grin his chair so hard that his knuckles turned red from not running his hair through what looked and must be the most soft blonde hair that framed her ever so beautiful face. And he had to move away from her gaze every time their eyes would lock, otherwise he was terrified of drawing in the brown orbs… not that he would mind anyway… But he had to do all of that, because he really didn't want to scare away hi- Alice. He didn't want to scare away Alice. _

_It was an entirely new feeling he had ever had, an entirely new emotion he had never tried before, and he thought that he had been through them all, but life must have saved the best… and worst, for last. Best, because it was a wonderful, funny and a new level of crazy, feeling that had him on his toes all of the time, and a fuzzy feeling inside of him that almost made him blush all of the time whenever she was near, or whenever she would be on his mind… which seemed to be a lot. Alice suddenly meant everything to Tarrant… Alice suddenly was everything to Tarrant. Alice was his sun, Alice was his moon, Alice was his biscuit… Alice was his tea. _

_But Alice… Alice couldn't want someone mad as him, beautiful Alice couldn't return those feelings about someone as… not beautiful as him. _

_Having to come to terms with that… Realizing that… That, that broke his heart in half. But he could live with a broken heart as long as she would still be here in Underland with him and come around every time the time said tea time, so he could hide it from her, because if she found out, she would be disgusted and for surely leave him, leave Underland and never return, return to Above land and never come back… That was way worse than a heart broken into half, that didn't break his heart, that made his heart shatter, make it crumble, until there would be only dust left. That he couldn't live with. _

_At first it had been hard to hide it from her, at first he had had a really hard time being around her and had gone as far as ignoring her and when they would be in the same room, he would put as much space as possible in-between them and avoid all conversations she would try to start up with him. At the end he couldn't keep up with it though, it was too painful to be away from her, even more painful than being around her and not being able to love her like he so wished he could. And despite being mad, he hadn't missed the look in Alice's eyes or the way her body would slump when he would move away from her whenever she came too close, and maybe that was because his eyes would never leave her for too long, and to his shock, Alice was miserable too about it as he was, but of course that couldn't be because of the same reasons as he. So, because of all that, he had started to bite it all in him, and pretend that he was okay, and let her be around as much as she pleased and on those days where he wished that she would both be somewhere else, somewhere far away and at the same time he wanted to hold her in his arms forever, but he kept the smile on, because Alice was happy. And Alice's happiness meant more to him that the feeling inside of him, eating and tearing him apart. _

_He had managed to keep the show up for a year, a whole year with the terrible, and warm and fuzzy and amazing feeling inside of him but mostly terrible, and Alice had no clue, and so did no one else, or well, from time to time March and The White Queen would send him these looks that but he had chosen to ignore them. A whole year before he slipped, and of course he knew that he would at some point, but he had hoped it would take far longer, but apparently was not the way it was to go. _

_"Tarrant?" A sweet voice called out from somewhere by the door, yes Tarrant's room really was that much of a mess, and that big so that it had basically turned into a maze, nearly as bas as the one the Red Bloody Big Head had had in her garden. Hat boxes were stacked onto hat boxes, so tall that they nearly hit the ceiling and so many that it was almost like walls, and fabric was hanging from the ceiling and scissors and needles were sticking out here and there so you had to be careful whenever you would enter the room, so of course that resulted in not so many ever coming to visit him in his work hours, in fear of getting lost or getting cut, but to be honest, he liked it when he was alone with his thoughts and his work. But of course, having Alice come back, meant that, that was about to change, considering Alice was so curious that not even the Bandersnatch had managed to scare her away back then, and today, that thing was around her wherever she went. _

_"Yes dear Alice? I am here in the back" he called back, again biting his tongue to not call her his again, oh dear what wouldn't she think? _

_There was the sound of someone rummaging around and shuffling and eventually the blonde was next to him, bending over his back to look at his newest sketch. "That is absolutely beautiful my dear Hatter, may I ask who that is for? The Queen I would take it?" A blush colored his white cheeks, oh how he hated that she could make him blush over nothing and how he hated that because of his so unusual skin color, that he couldn't hide it. "Indeed it is yes" he lied, of course he wasn't going to tell her that it was actually a hat, going to match the dress that had neatly been folded and hidden away, that he had made for her as a gift for his love… that he couldn't give. So yes, he would have to lie and tell her that it was for the Queen. "Oh how I envy her sometimes" Alice sighed, but nonetheless grinned at him, causing his heart to beat an extra beat and the blush to darken. "Why ever would you do that Alice?" he asked incredulous, that his mad mind did not understand at all, yes of course the Queen was very beautiful, but she had nothing on Alice, and she certainly did not make his heart beat, leap, or skip like Alice did. "Oh I just mean that she is so lovely, beautiful and she gets so much attention from everyone," she took a breath, her eyes landing on him, a look in her eyes that he couldn't put his finger on, and if maybe he hadn't been mad, he would have caught the hint that she was throwing his way, or maybe he was just too set on her not ever going to love him, that he simply refused to see it. "And she gets so lovely dresses and hats all the time, have you gotten about me Hatter?" she snickered, covering up the look earlier when he had obvisouly not gotten it. _

_And then, he had slipped. "What? Of course I have not forgotten you my love beautiful Alice, how could I ever forget my love? I love you far too much to could ever forget about you, of course I couldn't-" and then his mad mind seemed to catch up to what his mouth was blurting out and his hands flew up to cover his mouth, in hope to keep the rest of it in, but no luck, the damaged had already happened he realized as he saw the wide eyes filled with shock Alice was sporting. _

_"Oh my, I am terribly sorry Alice, I, I, let's just forget about that shall-" "You love me?" She interrupted, and he had no choice but to come clean. "Yes I do… I'm sorry, I know it's wrong and I should really not-" "Why is it wrong?" Taking a deep breath, he finally let out the fear he had been hiding for so long._

_He was going to lose his Alice now. _

_"Because I am not someone who should love someone like you, I am someone who someone like you should have to deal with, I mean look at us, I am insane and odd looking, and you, you are brave, curious, mad in just the right way, and beautiful." he breathed out. _

_"That is not true at all my dear mad Hatter, you are perfect in my eyes, I love you, whether you will believe it or not, love can be just as mad as us." Surely Alice could not have just said that, and if so, she surely couldn't mean it, it would just have to be pity. Of course it was just pity. _

_"Why would you ever love someone like I Alice?" _

_"The reason I love you is you. Just you. Being you, because of all that we've been through. I love your madness, I love how you can make me laugh and smile whenever I feel down, I love how you mismatch, all in all, I love your beautiful, mad, soul and I wouldn't want to change you in any way at all. All of that is the reason for me loving you, for me falling and being in love with you. So yes Tarrant, I love you." She stated in such a tone that made no room for Tarrant to argue with her about it anymore, a tone that made his heart swell with love and a grin so large that it beat Chess by miles to come across his face before Alice said the next words that he had dreamt so many times of her saying but always feared of never coming true. _

_"Kiss me my mad Hatter" _

_So he did. _

_The End. _

_Remember to leave a review with your thoughts. _


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